An Ode to the Workplace

An Ode to the Workplace

I will not miss the stories

Of your puppy or new spider bite.

I will not miss the kitchen whispers

That haunt me in the night.

I will not miss thunderous fingers

That hurl emails through the air,

Or the Slack channel gangs

That over-critique the free lunch fare.

The windows that look nowhere

But reflect and serve demands

Show Google Docs and hidden carts

Atop vivid faraway lands.

Shoulders slumped,

Necks craned,

Coffee breath secretly safe.

Our heads in a tizzy

And mouths grow a-fizzy

While our fingertips start to chafe.

I will not miss these bodily bits

Paled under fluorescent lights.

I will not miss the boxes

That divide us and stir smile-faced fights.

I will not miss the sly side glances

Or the shady uninterpretable winks.

I will not miss the up-and-down

Or how some get their kinks.

The greatest delight is in lowering my chair

Along for a quick joy ride.

Shrinking down while falling up,

A head rush bonafide.

Shits and giggles and spreading mayonnaise

Make up the highlights of my daze.

And with this thought,

I then plot

My careful two-weeks escape.